4 little piggies I hid from..

I am the worst mother in the world. It’s true, ask my daughter. I am sitting up in my room in time out. Yes, I take time outs, I freaking love time out. I am in time out because like everyone who has a daughter in the pre-tween years I have had enough for the day. Yes, I realize its only 6 in the evening, and that bedtime, that sweet release is 2 long, dirty, hours away. But I am DONE, like stick a fork in me try to pick me up on it and I shred to pieces done. 

I’ve locked my door, and settled in for some online grocery shopping and a brief hopeful stint on Goodreads. (hopeful because who has time to read these days?) I am putting the glam in glamor here right now folks, ordering groceries in my pajama’s hoping that my coke zero doesn’t run out because that would require venturing out of my hiding spot to face the 4 heathens that I claim genetical responsibility for. (it’s the weekend, heathens hang with the hubs on the weekends. I also suck as a wife. I feel ok about that. I think most men would like a good suck from their wife. Yeah, yeah, on the neck! Geesh, what were you thinking?

In walks the queen, the diva, the most picked on upper white middle class child you’ve ever seen. Does she knock? No. Do I need to fix that lock? Possibly. Who was responsible for breaking the lock? Probably a combination of the 2 youngest. Why can’t we ever have anything that stays working? All these thoughts are mildly running through my head.

She throws herself into my craft room attached to my bedroom flops on the chair and wants to talk about how much it sucks that she can’t play with her friends on Sunday. I’m a member of the church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-day saints, previously known as a Mormon. We are trying to change that. The Mormon thing, not the friendless void that this poor child is experiencing. I gently remind her that the door was closed, possibly locked, (not 100% sure on that front) and that I am in need of a time out. 

She continues to rant on how she hates having to hang out with her stinky brothers all day in the kid’s world of dreams backyard. Seriously. Neighbor children fight to get in here. Probably. I know that I would if I was a child and had a friend with the back yard that we have. Again I remind her of my current time out status. She glares at me and accuses technology ruining society, and how all of us are so focused on getting on screens we can’t focus on real conversations any more. How I’m so busy ignoring her. How mean we are to not let her have a cell phone in this day and age. Obviously making you play outside in the beauty of the world god gave us is a punishment only reserved for war criminals and furbies.

 This is where I lose it people. Sure, I am on the computer, ORDERING FOOD! The pantry that you raid every day after school does not stock itself. And yes, you caught me, I ordered a few books on amazon hoping that maybe I might have the time this week to actually do something for myself. 

I yell finally figuring she must have temporary loss of hearing

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM I AM IN TIME OUT!"

Not my brightest moment.

I’ll admit that I regret it. Should I spend more time with her? Absolutely? Does the constant barrage of ingratitude make me want to throw her out the window? Maybe. I am a bad terrible mother because in order to keep her safe, and as unhappy as possible I require time to myself, ordering groceries, and drinking Coke Zero.

Honestly, I think she’s gonna need therapy. Its times like these that I wish alcohol was an option. Its not. Religious reasons. That, and I would become an alcololic very quickly. Like insta-AA member fast.